Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
