how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
