I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
