remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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