I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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