Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
