I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I intend to get homeless drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
