Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
