I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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