so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
