I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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