how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
