Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
