Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Less talking, more tequila
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
