my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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