dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize