i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
