well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
