i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
