I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
