at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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