i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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