I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
