So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
