You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
