Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
