We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
