Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
