Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
