i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize