so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
