you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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