eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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