Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Randomize
