Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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