Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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