Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
