I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
