this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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