So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
