he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
