your parents love me but you hate me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
