i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
