Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The maid of honor just puked.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
