I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize