his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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