In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize