need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
