My nipple is on Facebook.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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