I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
