I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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