handjob tips. give me some.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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