i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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