Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
