You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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