You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
