btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
