first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
