saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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