i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I want to fling myself into the sun
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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