Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
