we're chasing vodka with high fives
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
