everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
