Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
