Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
