Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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