How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
