Having a random hookup so left but love u
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
