All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't make out with my wife yet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize