He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
