Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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