My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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