he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
